what is the primary booby trap you know to exist and yet you tend to "forget" about it until it once again short circuits your heart center?
give it a form and a name
make friends with it.
figure out what it wants
and re-invent it
so you and your heart
and everything it touches
can be more authentically nourished
This morning when I woke up I knew I'd find this hastily scrawled prompt I thought up two days ago while staring out at the snow and grey sky exactly where I put it - sitting on the studio coffee table waiting for me to post it today. Timing*, as always, asserts itself as some legit measure of being everything.
After I'd originally concluded this was a good prompt, I found I already knew what I'd choose to articulate and work with -- the heart center's 'means well' reflex that I've seen cause more harm than good and yet it's one of the biggest sand traps I routinely see within myself, think "oh well that doesn't HAVE to be a sand trap now that I've identified that it COULD be" - and then do what humans do so well: consciously and deliberately rationalize their behavior they know to be incorrect.
I rationalize why it's okay to accommodate people all the time: it's quicker and easier, by far. But only if you don't pay attention and cast a wide-swath of really not caring to contemplate matters of Repercussion well before they land. More things that work all too well for me: I tell myself It's what females tend to do as a reflex and that's pretty much why there's any world left standing at all. So that's the 'somebody has to do it' excuse. Then there's other stuff that's so entirely yellow I'm taking notes for The Trip Back Down.
Much journal writing since our heart-time began has led me to understand one of the mechanisms I'm surely capable of discarding as a short-circuiting internalized equation once and for all: something about being nice/generous/expectation-free doesn't feel right and for whatever combination of inner flutterings I decide I'm going to circumvent that inner knowing because: personal growth. it's everywhere just waiting to happen.
how do i know i actually know what i'm certain i do, y'know? In my every-day Acey form this is my ongoing mantra to my inner self any time I'm not writing something that proves some specific or at least abstract form of 'knowing'. In this case, I put the words being nice in scare quotes (and then added them to knowing) because that's where they belong in context. Here at the heart level we have the compassionate and truly safe house in which to explore the difference between authentically being a thing and being, instead, a creature of reflex and relative social comfort who provides what they believe, perceive, or simply take their level best shot at providing, for somebody with something they need which is, in turn, something we can give. And in the case of social reflex and comfort, what we intuit they're looking for from us and our individual heart center.
Our hearts can be confused and confusing place, is what I'm saying. Or perhaps what I'm really saying is that it can become inappropriately crowded on the bridge. All the other chakras can - especially in times as extraordinary as our own - instinctively migrate there. At any given moment we've got all or some of the places that energy's meant to function to full capacity sputtering along at best. The really liquid and juicy fuel we're possessing is inclined to head for safety and higher ground of bridge territory. And so they're milling around - on both solo missions and murmuring amongst themselves - utterly certain they know what's best/safest/wisest about the heart's business and have the chops to 'fix' what would otherwise not be wrong at all.
At the heart, on this particular day, I'm trying on compassion as I look within at the same constellation of self-perpetuated over-focus and cut-out zones I usually approach from a far more formidable (and thus inherently hyper-focused/Ajna) perspective. And it really does shift everything. To stand on and within the heart's Bridge function and look from a variety of directions.
What if lasting personal change can begin with a kept commitment to shift one's internalized tone. Instead of the lower chakra quandry : HOW do I FIX this? Or upper/head-driven impatience: How do I fix THIS? I'm looking for the eldering smile of long suffering patience. The look that's been there and done that enough to ask very tenderly: how do I fix this?
if the heart can serve as lung through which to breathe
why can't it also serve as the higher self's sense of self, period?
and what if that self committed to asking it'Self:
what am i capable of - but only in a soft knowing tone.
This I see as our individual and collective bridge tone as it most wishes to be. Group Kuan Yin energy. Timeless and yet ever-eldering at whatever age.
that's going to be my interrogative/upgrade heart work for the rest of the month at a personal level. I decided as much during lunch yesterday.
the first task, obvi, was to sleep on the question: what am i capable of upgrading about my current relationship to misguided heart action?
This morning I knew the answer like it was already part of my life. We'll see how that plays itself out but I'm old so I've the ongoing sense this is my moment to get stuff done, make it count, and avoid as little as possible 'for later'.
I'm going to let no be my teacher and guide
at the first sign - deep in my heart - that something is wrong
with saying yes.
no matter how else it seems like it could/should be instead.
a lot of debris flew out of my heart as I typed the previous four lines.
four takes me back to the points forming the shape of the red root square.
a space of containment
to keep NO sacred
in case of emergency break glass
and let NO be the medicine
of true love
the more I write the easier my heart feels.
I've stopped frowning in concentration and started to smile and look out the window. There's not much to see since it's still snowing and grey but it's a very large opening that lets in light.
in the past - once I start smiling out the window - that's always meant
i'm doing something right.
if i figure out what it is more cogently
No works best with a 'but what about' to follow. Franklin and I have agreed: when he has something to say and would like people to know he exists in a disembodied yet shared continuum I'll put it in a post within a context of my own creation*. So simple. maybe everything is or at least can be if heart energy is applied within the two week remaining window of Virgo grace
*Last night I revealed a form of accommodation that existed for a 'good' reason within my own mind. But within helping somebody who would not be at liberty to participate that way otherwise, I didn't help 'the cause' of showcasing impeccability. Or maybe I did. I mean, I'd just posted hours before about it in relation to the Virgo full moon - and in a way that inspired the original comment and so forth. Very coyote. I bowed down to it immediately. I mean the timing alone is worth a standing ovation of respect and appreciation.