sustainability and substance

2nd day prompt response


Blueganesha
I allow myself to hear the languages Jim and I speak that are most representative of who we are.  I allow myself to hear what I most need to tell myself.  I allows myself to hear love whenever it is offered to me.  I allow myself to hear truth in the midst of confusion.  I allow myself to hear the still inner voice that says:  draw a boundary.  do it right now.

I wish to allow myself to hear the running water in the stream, irrespective of weather, for a week beyond the Equinox.  I wish to allow myself to hear a greater absence of critical/cynical inner thoughts.  I wish to allow myself to hear the quiet dignity of a considered opinion rather than reactive buzzwords.  I wish to allow myself to hear that the universe knows me by my sacred name.

***

somebody asked:  but how do I begin?

just sit down and let it happen.  Soften your thinking/verbal-based brain the way a visual artist learns to soften their eye.  If words are super hard for you, you can draw something but TRY to learn how words are power-adjacent rather than power-erosive.

The Power of Word is Real.  Give yourself this month's time to treat it with dignity.

If you 'write' by blurting out whatever comes -

do less of that.

try mindful communication instead.

If you freeze up whenever it's your turn to speak

or you're accustomed to telling yourself you have nothing of value or meaning to contribute within any given conversation

ask yourself why.

ask yourself what would happen if you felt too safe to freeze.

(hint:  seek out your heart center for that answer)

work with it.  And yourself.

gently

in the spirit of Blue.

***

Part of the value of writing out prompts that begin (or for that matter, end) with the same words:  after you've done it for a day or two your mind will begin to automatically anticipate and respond to those words more freely and without concentrated effort.

If words are easy for you

make how you relate to your gift

less facile

less sure of itself

more open to mystery

more representative

of the words inside

that always seem to have trouble

emerging in the right order

so you tend to let them go 'for later'

when there's more time

when you can think more clear

when you somehow feel more, rather than less, ability

to 'know what to say'.

***

people say to me ALL THE TIME both online and in walking around life (this has been going on for decades)

"I'm not like you.  I don't automatically know what to say."

so truth to power:

neither do I

I just refuse to let that stop me

from figuring out what needs to be said

and saying it.

that's my 'secret' -

I just freakin' use my words, rather than not.

my weakness

is that I don't generally tend to acknowledge

to myself or anyone else

that this ability

is in and of itself

a gift.

so I'm doing that now.

 

what is YOUR often-ignored/improperly recognized blue gift ????

[knowing when to hold your tongue doesn't count, in the context of this suggestion - especially if you're female.

we're all very good at that.

but I think most of us 'play along'

rather than authentically

changing the play.

I feel super-strongly about this:

we as women have GOT to get ourselves together enough

to stop lying  'for the greater good' of ostensibly playing nicely together

so I might speak on this again sometime this month

but usually I decide

why bother.

however

that's not blue

that's really funky-lookin' yellow-orange.

not true

not blue

so we'll see ...]

 


answering questions marks

Bluebranchout

Blue is READY for us!  Ready to hold sky, ground, and any other backdrop we may need.  Blue supports our psychic and energetic branches - what/who/why we seek TO REACH (and how ...) as well as what/who/why we yearn TO RECEIVE.

Today's post is in answer to some questions about yesterday's prompt.

(one thing Blue has done here in my own life is throw open the gates of my email program.  Yesterday I had three separate "have been wanting to write you for a couple months because I have a few questions" emails.  Additionally Cheryl asked an excellent question in comments on the SLI blog that invoked my inner sense I ought to write a post about it.  I don't know how to get it all lined up yet.   But I'm going to meditate with my favorite piece of blue apatite and then - we'll see.)

Blueapatiteblg

One of the questions I've gotten a few times since Blue revved its engines boils down to:  which blue stone.

My preferences for blue that needs coaxing, solace, and/or personal assurance we are indeed prepared and ready to speak/listen at our highest available vibratory frequency:  Blue Lace Agate.  The stone itself will more than likely let you know (through losing physical and energetic vibrancy) when its time to level-up to Blue Celestite.

What about Magic?  Blue Apatite.   Because it boots the energetic signal of everything else seamlessly, and without you needing to work any additional boosting juice.  Blue Apatite is incredibly 5-d as well.  

 What is a Blue equivalent for Rose Quartz? (the person who asked seemed both startled and embarrassed when I praised the question as excellent.  Why, she asked.  And I said: because I'm still not sure of the answer between two. So I'm applying critical thinking and the 5 & 6th chakras really like that.  It gives them something to do beyond Already Knowing.

Larimar - which I also very much associate with our collective Earth Star chakra.  Far more readily and affordably available: Blue Calcite and LIGHT blue flourite.

Flower Essences?  Chicory/Raddichio for re-distributing an over-abundance of blue.  Calendula to lend a 'top note' to work/personal reconfiguration accomplished with Chicory.  Also a wonderful tune-up/daily maintenance tool for leaders of whatever kind, especially if they're impatient/sharp-tongued but no longer consider that sort of thing a super power.

Borage if you find yourself 'stuck' - or merely ponderous - along the bridge to the upper chakras.  Or have needed to repair/rebuild it.  (Borage is inherently a Heart center essence.  But it's the perfect shade of sky-based out of the blue Spirit color.   It's also a direct gateway to Cobalt and Bowie's electric (i tend to think of it as 'starman'...) blue.

I figured this out by fooling around with my watercolor paints.  and from there turned it into a color mediation to feed myself whenever I fall out of Blue alignment or feel

I don't understand [yesterday's] prompt

I'm going to post my own responses throughout the week  - but a day behind.  I'll also type what I wrote for clarity's sake.  Decided to write on lime green paper because it's such a spring/vibrancy color energy and also because it made the sky blue ink of the pen turn turquoise.  That's my fave blue after sky-tints.

316

I allow myself to hear compatible female voices.  Voices of unfamiliar/uncomfortable dissent, if only for perceptual balance. Bird song.  Wind in the trees. Music I like.  Quiet stillness.

I would like to allow myself to hear more of what disturbs me from a place of compassion. I would like to allow myself to hear "I love you" without wondering if the words truly hold meaning for the person saying them.  I would like to [ed note:  forgot 'allow myself' for this one.  this wouldn't be about 'allowing' on either end of the equation.] hear more stories from people who enjoy hearing mine. Okay.  Now I see I switched over to yellow and just started putting in my order to the cosmos.  So I'm just gonna add in 'allow myself' to the last two.  In both cases that indicates a need for scrutiny from/of the heart bridge.

I'd like to allow myself to hear more evidence of a thriving landscape beyond my property line.  I'd like to allow myself to hear silence with a different ear. 

I don't exactly know what that last sentence means.  Yet.   It came from Blue and i wrote it down.

today I'll meditate before recording my second day's answers.

 


final heart prompt: extend love's reach

Spend these final days of intensive heart contemplation actively pushing heart energy through your arms and hands.  Allow the energy to flow into everything that you touch, whenever you remember to stop and hold both the thought and its intentions.

imagine if our collective Heart left indelible traces of itself on everything we touched ...

Trustyourself


prompt: where does your heart rest?

Mossagateheartbasket

Visualize, create, or repurpose a container that's a suitable resting place for your heart.  You can leave it empty until you need it or keep a representational heart in the container at all times as a visual reminder that hearts are only as secure and vibrant as their resting space.

***

I've been working with a tiny willow basket a friend made me years and years ago - ever since I had a really bad day in which it was clear I was not holding the right energy to post on my main blog.  Since then the basket has been holding a moss agate heart.  I've been keeping it on my chakra-related stonework altar in the corner of my studio coffee table workspace.  It's incorrect to say this prompt is inspired by what sent me so far from center.  It was inspired in a way that feels more accurate to say - it was woven - by a few people who read what I wrote and had a purely heart-based response.  And in my own heart and intuitive sense of energetic wonderland, I felt that weaving happening inside of me as well as externally.

It was an incredible thing.  There were other things connected to a few local people and people who emailed or otherwise contacted me privately.  But that energetically woven basket created by simple words on a screen really knocked me out.  So far, it's my biggest single takeaway from Heart Month. 

WillowbasketinnerAt some point in the fairly recent past I came as close to having my heart hit the ground as I've come in - ever, quite frankly.  It's a different kind of thing - losing Heart throughout your consciousness.  It's nothing, for instance, like clinical depression- or any lesser kind of 'giving up' that I've experienced or observed.  Losing heart is beyond terrible.  It's, more or less, The End.

Sensing my heart dwindle with heaviness and shadows, I caught myself thinking of all the times I've rallied other women having a very hard time finding enough heart to hold all that hearts must.  A lot of times it's been intensely personal, as was/is my situation.  Even more frequently it's more collective.  For instance, the day after the '06 elections, I called a group of a my female friends, one at a time, who are (a) established leaders of some kind  (b) hypersensitive plant geeks and (c) close enough to the NYC area that they already had a rough idea of what was coming at us on a scale (i'm sorry but it has to be said since it's so freakin' true ...) the likes of which nobody had seen before.

During those calls, I shared a quote that's nearly always given Cheyenne attribution.  I only shared the first sentence:  a nation is not conquered until the hearts of its women are on the ground.  I talked to seven friends that day and I left five quotes on voice mails along with the assertion that we were needed more than ever.  I know this because I wrote about it in a journal entry I do not remember making.

Later, when the voice mail women began to unbend and recuperate enough to respond, I couldn't remember making any of the calls, either. The car accident that dinged my brain had happened.  It took one particularly fiesty NYC-for-lifer INSISTING that i had in fact left her a voice mail before I began to remember doing so as if it all happened in shadows and underwater.

***

When I recently felt my heart cruising about six inches above the ground, I mentioned it on my main blog because I knew I'd need to step away in order to heal somehow.   A couple of people were moved to leave a comment or they sent me an email.  I conceived of this prompt at that time.   My sense of the spontaneous heart-centered energy's pure love was enormously sustaining emotionally and also at a inner-screen visual level.  I saw a nest structure very similar to the tiny basket featured in this post.  But it was big and sturdy enough to hold me.  Inside there were feathers and flowers and sumptuous sprigs of many protective and healing herbs. 

I rested there, as need be, throughout my time of regeneration.

Outebasket

thank you.

it can be done ...


prompt: what is the thing? (plus extra words)

what is the primary booby trap you know to exist and yet you tend to "forget" about it until it once again short circuits your heart center?

give it a form and a name

make friends with it.

figure out what it wants

and re-invent it

so you and your heart

and everything it touches

can be more authentically nourished

and healed

***

This morning when I woke up I knew I'd find this hastily scrawled prompt I thought up two days ago while staring out at the snow and grey sky exactly where I put it - sitting on the studio coffee table waiting for me to post it today.  Timing*, as always, asserts itself as some legit measure of being everything.

After I'd originally concluded this was a good prompt, I found I already knew what I'd choose to articulate and work with -- the heart center's 'means well' reflex that I've seen cause more harm than good and yet it's one of the biggest sand traps I routinely see within myself, think "oh well that doesn't HAVE to be a sand trap now that I've identified that it COULD be" - and then do what humans do so well: consciously and deliberately rationalize their behavior they know to be incorrect.

I rationalize why it's okay to accommodate people all the time:  it's quicker and easier, by far.  But only if you don't pay attention and cast a wide-swath of really not caring to contemplate matters of Repercussion well before they land. More things that work all too well for me:  I tell myself It's what females tend to do as a reflex and that's pretty much why there's any world left standing at all.  So that's the 'somebody has to do it' excuse. Then there's other stuff that's so entirely yellow I'm taking notes for The Trip Back Down.

Much journal writing since our heart-time began has led me to understand one of the mechanisms I'm surely capable of discarding as a short-circuiting internalized equation once and for all:  something about being nice/generous/expectation-free doesn't feel right and for whatever combination of inner flutterings I decide I'm going to circumvent that inner knowing because: personal growth. it's everywhere just waiting to happen.

how do i know i actually know what i'm certain i do, y'know?   In my every-day Acey form this is my ongoing mantra to my inner self any time I'm not writing something that proves some specific or at least abstract form of 'knowing'.  In this case, I put the words being nice in scare quotes (and then added them to knowing) because that's where they belong in context.  Here at the heart level we have the compassionate and truly safe house in which to explore the difference between authentically being a thing and being, instead, a creature of reflex and relative social comfort who provides what they believe, perceive, or simply take their level best shot at providing, for somebody with something they need which is, in turn, something we can give.  And in the case of social reflex and comfort, what we intuit they're looking for from us and our individual heart center. 

Our hearts can be confused and confusing place, is what I'm saying.   Or perhaps what I'm really saying is that it can become inappropriately crowded on the bridge.  All the other chakras can - especially in times as extraordinary as our own - instinctively migrate there.   At any given moment we've got all or some of the places that energy's meant to function to full capacity sputtering along at best.  The really liquid and juicy fuel we're possessing is inclined to head for safety and higher ground of bridge territory.  And so they're milling around - on both solo missions and murmuring amongst themselves - utterly certain they know what's best/safest/wisest about the heart's business and have the chops to 'fix' what would otherwise not be wrong at all.

*

 At the heart, on this particular day, I'm trying on compassion as I look within at the same constellation of self-perpetuated over-focus and cut-out zones I usually approach from a far more formidable (and thus inherently hyper-focused/Ajna) perspective.  And it really does shift everything.  To stand on and within the heart's Bridge function and look from a variety of directions. 

What if lasting personal change can begin with a kept commitment to shift one's internalized tone.  Instead of the lower chakra quandry : HOW do I FIX this? Or upper/head-driven impatience:  How do I fix THIS?  I'm looking for the eldering smile of long suffering patience.  The look that's been there and done that enough to ask very tenderly:  how do I fix this?  

if the heart can serve as lung through which to breathe

why can't it also serve as the higher self's sense of self, period?

and what if that self committed to asking it'Self:

what am i capable of  - but only in a soft knowing tone.

This I see as our individual and collective bridge tone as it most wishes to be.  Group Kuan Yin energy.  Timeless and yet ever-eldering at whatever age.

that's going to be my interrogative/upgrade heart work for the rest of the month at a personal level.  I decided as much during lunch yesterday.

the first task, obvi, was to sleep on the question:  what am i capable of upgrading about my current relationship to misguided heart action?

This morning I knew the answer like it was already part of my life.  We'll see how that plays itself out but I'm old so I've the ongoing sense this is my moment to get stuff done, make it count, and avoid as little as possible 'for later'.

I'm going to let no be my teacher and guide

at the first sign - deep in my heart - that something is wrong

with saying yes.

no matter how else it seems like it could/should be instead.

a lot of debris flew out of my heart as I typed the previous four lines.

four takes me back to the points forming the shape of the red root square.

a space of containment

to keep NO sacred

in case of emergency break glass

and let NO be the medicine

of true love

the more I write the easier my heart feels.

I've stopped frowning in concentration and started to smile and look out the window.  There's not much to see since it's still snowing and grey but it's a very large opening that lets in light.

in the past - once I start smiling out the window - that's always meant

i'm doing something right.

if i figure out what it is more cogently

i'll share.

No works best with a 'but what about' to follow.  Franklin and I have agreed:  when he has something to say and would like people to know he exists in a disembodied yet shared continuum I'll put it in a post within a context of my own creation*.  So simple.  maybe everything is or at least can be if heart energy is applied within the two week remaining window of Virgo grace

***

*Last night I revealed a form of accommodation that existed for a 'good' reason within my own mind.  But within helping somebody who would not be at liberty to participate that way otherwise, I didn't help 'the cause' of showcasing impeccability.  Or maybe I did.  I mean, I'd just posted hours before about it in relation to the Virgo full moon - and in a way that inspired the original comment and so forth.  Very coyote.  I bowed down to it immediately.  I mean the timing alone is worth a standing ovation of respect and appreciation.

Coyotes


the blessing of space & sanctuary

SunnystudioplantsToday this space is sunlit and elevated for the shift that's coming with the Aquarian new moon.  Am thinking about what metaphorical seeds I want to plant then.  Also note the background glimpse of an area in the room that I think of as collage fodder purgatory.  Haven't looked at anything there for four years or so.  Thinking this may change sooner than later but we'll see.

OrangeyellowquestionThroughout the past ten days or so, I've been looking at this page from an orange-yellow-gold color collection journal all the time.  I have it open for ongoing viewing on my desk.   Although I wasn't thinking on any kind of subtextual level, or considering layering meaning as well as color application, in this moment of time it seems inspired to remind myself that all sacral questions seek the resolution of volitionary action.

Leomagicsome days ago I called an official time out on my main blog.  It doesn't work to post there when I'm immersed in something as deep as it is personal.  My internalized/frail ego/vulnerability level in such times can't sustain the entire premise and purpose of that particular sharing space. But this blog doesn't aim (or need) to set either the same standard or tone.   After the time out set root of a productive nature, somebody I mentor came around to that blog's comments section and invoked all kindsa yellow/solar/leo energy he knows to be the crux of my earthly soul's resilience factor.

i thought it was - at best - aspirational on his part.

but it worked.  That's the main thing.

Griefpage1the deeper purpose of recent soul growth-work is making more than adequate space for itself.  Within that space I've begun to articulate the overwhelming season of loss I experienced - beginning around this point in the years calendar - that was due in large part to Covid.

Griefricksomething simple, imperfectly elegant, inadvertently messed-up/air bubbles and contextually Everything for the unCovid mic drop of my incomparable friend, rick.

DowhatsrightnotNear the beginning of solar month I discovered the resin smudged note while tidying up.  It's from years ago.  In the process of awaiting something 'worthy' I turned some kind of intentional corner so that I simply wanted to find it a comfortable home.

Grieftwostoriesa story of deep grief transcending itself.

SunstampYesterday evening I found a piece of fabric stamped many times with a representation of sun magic & medicine.

InthosedaysOne of the stampings was placed to headline a snippet of narrative.  I held this cloth in my hand and read the words in my handwriting seven or eight times.  I have no idea wtf this refers to.  Not just what but whom.  My twenty first year was quixotic and relatively untethered.  It spanned (this sounds way more glamorous and noteworthy in its episodic qualities than it actually was, by far ...) 3 continents  and 7 countries within the first five calendar months.  I knew - in the walking around sense - any number of men who routinely betrayed themselves.  After squeezing my mind on the subject, I can think of three who semi-routinely fell on their sword for me.  The four of us were yoked to a highly disorganized, recreationally unpleasant, and insufferably narcissistic boss.  Nuff sed.

Samplerwhole am both baffled and intriqued by the personal mystery factory.  have resolved to steam refresh, then press smooth.  Hand sew stay stitching at the edges.  Hoop it up and backstitch my words into place.  Keep going from there. 

i like the idea of this showing up somewhere that won't matter to me with somebody i won't know saying 'i wonder what THIS was all about.' 

and.

i would not be able to tell them even if I could magically be there to speak in human language once more.

 cartersfacingthedoorspeaking of words - this is what two-pass working draft quality now looks like as I wend my way through the previously procrastinated,  emotionally and mechanically difficult corridors of my novel-writing project.  Think it's obvious I keep doing this Thing on a primarily daily basis.  In the past while there have been a few days in a row when I didn't write.  The self-mother in me would not allow it.  In that time the sun didn't shine in the literal sense.  I sat on the couch and let myself be held in the love of friends as well as my personal faith in the larger universe of healing and happenstance.  This one's going to take awhile to situate and explore with the necessary level of fearlessness.  Otherwise there's no point.  I'm not a healing-lite kind of person.

note:  the two children in this snippet are 4 and half years old.  Cici is unwanted by her family (although deeply treasured and loved by Carter's people) and is thus passed around from relative to relative.  Dominic's her oldest cousin, who was similarly treated in his youth, and has thus risen to the considerable personal challenge (he and Jessie have a past that I cried for three days straight back in Sacral month to draft-out...shhhhh...) of coming back into town in order to be the steady guardian influence she needs. 

DominicrealizesasmuchIn the same eight days of keeping my own counsel, there was a three or four day window in which I didn't have a working power cord for my laptop.  J was kind (and kind of INSISTENT) enough to let me have his personal machine during his working hours.  The first day I managed to record (as opposed to write) three and a half paragraphs.  That's how much I struggled to get back in synch with a mouse and also the fact that the keyboard doesn't work very well and J thus has a second keyboard he uses precariously balanced against the first.  The second day I did better.  The third day I pretty much typed at will/ability level given the over-arching life circumstances.  My sense of accomplishment was calibrated against the fact I was aware, even as I was writing, that I wasn't actually working so much as taking myself along a compulsive jug handle of irrelevant happenstance and dialogue serving neither expository nor inter-layering purpose.  I guess it was a comfort to me.  To know most of these characters so well that I could spend a day doing that and thus coming closer to mooring myself in ways that support coming both farther and closer, perceptually, in a further "way" of some sort that's pragmatically as well as creatively driven.  And in direct relation to knowing what is true for and about me.

Whatportrait

A 2 hours old selfie.  In the present tense I'm squinting with a bowed head  because the strong sunlight's shining right in my eyes.  It feels great.

Also:  huge upgrade in the pragmatic sense.  During yesterday's snowstorm J. installed a second hand railing in the studio stairwell.  I can now walk up and down holding on with both hands.  This is a HUGE blessing given ongoing neuro-unreliability that's largely weather driven in terms of severity and duration.

Kneescaband my knee is almost healed ...


thank you for your patience

BraidingtogetherHere's a concrete prompt.  As we had it planned - I was going to begin introducing them on what turned out to crazytrain incited mob day because if I keep learning one thing over and over again it's that timing is everything.  The original prompts didn't allow for what I or anyone else was likely to feel like after such an event being what it actually was, and all.

***

Find three braid-able threads, cloth, or paper - or something else entirely.  Make the three elements you select relatively comparable at the organic working level.  One of the elements - or all of them - is obviously going to be yellow.

the picture I'm using as illustration of the prompt isn't whatever I'll make in response to it.  It's from a series of pictures I was editing hoping something would strike me somehow, beyond editing images for posts in the future tense

  So I'll share my own effort when I make/complete it.

If you use all yellow:  think about integrating different aspects of the solar center's receptivity and projection that have been most meaningful and of use over the past 3 weeks.

Consider your completed braid of personal experience with the various ways you've related to your third chakra in its personal volition context.  How have you felt yourself trading energies with compatible energy centers/yellow energy more abstractly?  Think about:  moments of joy, self-determination, manifested creativity, humor, volition/leadership in the wake of solar's shadow of rage.

In terms of your own anger as you feel it needs to be interwoven or as you may have joined with others to form a crucible in which that emotion is elevated to action-orientation - Think about the sacred shadow principle and RADIANT rage.

manifest elevation as a visual cue.

If braiding large amounts of yellow feels overwhelming and/or too de-hydrating, try adding a little (or a lot...) of deep purple to balance and restore your energetic sense of Self.

another idea is to braid-up ways the madness has caused you to not recognize your own thoughts or actions.   In my case I'm thinking of this in terms of the inability have hold and maintain either component of expressive sentience. So I'm considering a mini-braid within a braid.  And some of the yellow - the thing that switched the flick, as on of the dive captains likes to put it - being as close to the yellow of Amanda Gorman's coat as I have on hand.

Here's a long-planned yellow listen only version of Sly and the Family Stone wanna take you higher to move you along through stuff  and take it ALL higher as you braid.


bringing back 3 posts

I forgot to do this for the past two posts.  I picked three things that speak to my favorite solar super power(s): creative and perceptual/motivational resiliency. 

My response to a friend's emailed collage prompt that brought me back from some pretty intense brooding and other yellow-eyed thoughts: What does the sentient being who has been messing with your life the past 6 months look like...

A magical spring morning in which I found a carton containing some wonderful things by the side of the road.  People did this all summer but at the time I was thrilled with the single 'normal' experience.

In retrospect I feel like I was kind of trying to get myself into a viable head/heart balance for the days we now inhabit.

Special


YELLOW fragments and sunlight

Yellowturtle

Although my intentions and gathering of ideas was right on schedule, I found that once January began everything slowed down internally.  My solar center wanted to solarize and simply sit in sunlight when it existed.  A lot of the time it didn't.   So I made the most of the times when it did.

YellowcalcitecrystalsYesterday, while all 3-d hell was breaking lose but I didn't yet realize that, I was in a fairly deep trancelike time-out four of sword space pondering light as it mixed with a variety of color rays.  Lacelady mentioned her fondness for yellow calcite and that set me on the search for this beautiful example I inherited from my mother.  Her rock-hounding moniker was Calcite Lil.  This is one of the few calcite pieces I've kept.  Most I gave as keepsakes to those who knew her by that name and would treasure the memory.

Yellowsilknbell[yellow silk shedding from my Primary Nest project.  am collecting to couch into place somewhere in the yellow sections.]

Two things that came to light yesterday about yellow:  I realized that this first week has felt slow and/or subterranean because I've been conscious I wanted to review the seat of solar energy as I experience it by venturing back around in my physical body/emotional memories connected to the late 30's period of time when I wasn't aware of who I was to myself.  I wanted to see what's different now - at that deep internal level.  I came away with something I always come away with:

Menopause brought me into balance with myself - so that I understand with sharp clarity who I am and am okay enough about whatever that means on any given day to feel confident in that okay-ness.  

Periodically I realize this and then kind of shrug it aside.  I feel like that's what I'm supposed to do now that it's not a new thing any more.  Who knows.  Before this month officially began one of my friends told me she was reading Wheels of Light to get ready.  I grabbed my copy to see what I might find for my own edification.  I found this - I guess it's an affirmation?  or just an insight I had - marking the page for the third chakra chapter of the book.

Facingthetruthsbad handwriting translation:  Facing the truths I already know makes my body lighter.  I am no longer holding in something I think will break me apart if I don't.  I wanted to keep this front and center in my mind especially once I tuned into the external world and felt my body instinctively want to EMbody my emotions.  Working with too much yellow energy can be soothed with deep purple.

Flouritelit1This special piece of flourite - one of the first things I collected as a personal choice rather than inheritance and gift stones & crystals - is very deep, quite dark purple unless it's in front of sunlight.  I'd gotten it out primarily so it would be charged and awake for the vision center.  But then I wanted to hold it.  Flourite is a mind/spiritual clarity stone and a great companion for the time-out energy of the four of swords vibe...

Fourofswords...In order to bring what the mind yields within that space back into the more pragmatic mind of integrating the blissed out re-charge experience with something more worldly and action driven.  I wanted to exercise volition and forward movement.  All week I've put off getting into Yellow in the studio because I wanted a certain cloth for the coffee table.  An auspicious gift that's gained a lot of layers of personal meaning since I've had it.  And then yesterday I just wanted to GET ON WITH IT.

AltarstoneworkAnd so I cleared and cleaned space.   allowed the stones to guide me.

RoughperidotLooking back at the collective timeline of yesterday - it feels kind of marvelous that the whole time I really needed to be holding a strong personal healing ally with strong grounding, protection and heart-centered affinities - I was walking around with this chunk of raw peridot. It's a gem & mineral show specimen I purchased with birthday money as a child. 

FiremanvolitionI gave the Emperor card of my slow-moving tarot deck mock-ups to Volition and the symbol for the third chakra.  I put the card on my artist's altar and propped it up against my first writing award - a grammar school slogan-winning contest for the fire department's safety awareness program.  I have no idea what it was anymore but the little statue's been important to me.  When I took the picture I liked the way the fireman was well-positioned should any solar fire eruptions shoot too high.

***

VioletglowToday was different.  More muted although I was still determined not to drown in noise. My sense of what that meant was more lenient today because I wanted more information to go with my jumbled sense of things.  Also it freaked me out I had emails from people urging me to share my thoughts.  This was before I had any thoughts - I had feelings and apprehensions expressed in words.  Not quite the same thing.

(i still don't have any thoughts.  Did notice I'm pushing most of my own emotions up to the heart level and that's an achey breaky place to be.  better than numbness.  Maybe that will become something of a ongoing reminder/prayer. 

better than numbness.

Goldencalcitelittlecrystals BackofflouritelittlecrystlsI took these two pics this morning because I thought it was cool that both the pieces had clusters of small crystals.
Sunlightagainonstones
Much sitting in the sun staring into space today.  A little painting.  Mostly the staring and while it was not at all what I imagined when I set the intention to do more of it - the quietness and steady solar absorption was very good healing energy.  I was and remain grateful I had the grace and luxury of such a day.  Periodically I'd rendezvous with J who has been having trouble unplugging.  Like me, he couldn't really settle in the creative sense to either express or re-channel.  

we are both awestruck by how young those women are - the ones who got the ballots secured.

the two of them so much braver than the seditious mob...


eviction work completed

Sacralgridcomplete

Early morning solstice medicine making here in the studio.

The first two layers of sentences really warped the card stock substrateI put it under a pile of books until this morning.,  I painted the diagonal layers quickly because I woke knowing exactly what words to use.  I didn't realize that until I was up here in the studio and started moving all over the space in the cosmic guidance system lane. 

PaintuseupAbove is how and where I worked. Used up leftover paint on the palette to scrape a base coat onto one of the four remaining unfilled page spreads in my informal botanical art journal.  For the most part it's been an overcast solstice morning so far.  But every once in awhile the sun peaks through the grey scrim.  It's about 25 degrees warmer than it was yesterday.   Life's good for those reasons and a good many others. 

Assembledgridframe

One of the things I really like about this particular ghost writing technique is the way the finished results strongly suggest you were working with some kind of monoprint rather than toxic soul-brain runoff.  The visual transformation, coupled with the eye-hand-heart coordination of doing the release work as well as more left-brain process steps such as tearing and arranging the strips, will ground and resound throughout the sacral center.  Breathe deeply from that place.  If it's hard to get a sense of the energetics make a two inch space between the thumb and index finger of your dominant hand.  Center that space about two inches below your naval.  Push your sense of breath-capacity to that specific space through a combination of your fingers touching your skin and your inner mind's eye sense of your spine and the energetic column that runs along it.

***

breathe deeply.  When you exhale feel the space your release work has created.  Imagine water in one of its most gentle and nourishing forms:  a fine warm mist. Visualize the mist hydrating and re-energizing your sacral center.  Hold yourself dear for what you've accomplished and cannot yet imagine as a result.  Bless yourself for all the corners of your life and its ongoing landscape that you've created with your hands and imaginative impulse.  Promise yourself you'll build a stronger more sustainable home for your inner muse.  Keep your word.

***
Orangeninepatch
Used acrylic ink for the orange and a metallic craft paint for the dark coral.  By then I knew I was going to fill the squares with light attractants.

Used this one for five squares and something gold/violet with star sequins for the inner crosspoints.  The stickles gel stuff is pretty outtasight if you like this kind of thing but it takes forever to dry by air.  Conversely it dries up rather quickly once you break the initial bottle seal.  Plan to work big and use it up all at once or soon thereafter.

MoondustAm devoting the fourth week of my personal chakra exploration work to synchroncity and its impact on co-creative and collaborative sacral energy exchange. 

J and I plan to continue drawing night past this month's chakra work.  We also plan to make more of our meals as a collaborative venture.   Plus J got the permanent job offer right on schedule and has accepted. This is lighting up all the points on our combined energy column but most especially the root.  It's allowing emotional waters to settle as well.  Just as I'm writing these last setnences the sun emerged more concretely.    We have shake rattle and roll plans for the lunch hour ...