(The best part about my spontaneous trip out into the larger world was scoring a bag of seed starter without having to plan and implement a far more extensive trip out. More is coming. I'm all set and will probably begin with some bronze and green fennel seeds provided I can get my act together in time, lunar-wise ...)
Today I socialized. It was unexpected and that made it all the sweeter. I saw my friend Bea and we spoke of many things including my friend rick. i'd been meant to have dinner and a long walk around the lake by her home on the day he died. I felt at the time he would have urged me - was, in fact, urging me - to go on with my plans. He was like that, but I am not.
It's the first time we've seen each other since that cancelled plan we'd both been anticipating. I spoke of rick calmly and with an emotional lilt as opposed to a surge. I spoke nakedly and without a shred of hiding who I am at the core level because I don't have to with Bea. We don't see each other all the time but we share some fundamental formative life experiences that have bonded us in profound understanding of shared core awarenesses and response systems. I could say to her:
he was the first, and for many years, only peer-friend I had because he always accepted me, just for myself, despite my crazy mother.
and she shut her eyes and put a hand to her heart before she turned her head away to laugh into her mask.
because she got it. we share membership in that particular club.
I spoke of aloneness, that I realized didn't make sense, but yet it was real and had taken me months to layer into the rest of my mind and heart as my new situation normal.
At the end of our conversation she shouted to the sky that we would have our walk around the lake. Soon.
As a child left to roam alone in vast museum wings, I considered Anubis a personal friend of some sort. Took a long time to figure that out and even longer to grow into it. The image above is from a postcard I insisted my mother purchase for me in the museum bookstore. This Egyptian afterlife diety has come back into my mind due to his task of Weighing The Heart. Am bringing it up because I'm thinking about it a lot. There's a connection, for me, to the heart chakra that feels important to some type of insight or understanding that wants to happen - this idea of a guardian in charge of spiritual transformation via the afterlife - and the transitional system of measurement is the weight of one's heart.
The books above are two I like to re-read and recommend from time to time.
Susan Scott's book is fascinating. She's a Jungian based therapist who suffered a back injury that inspired her to change her entire way of practicing - it became walking talk rather than sitting. On these walks she became aware of many trees that were growing in ways related to injury from which they sustained new growth patterns aimed at supporting a transition back to vibrancy. I want to re-read some of the later chapters, when she's on a walking tour in England.
Eliot Cowan's book is another favorite of long standing. At a certain point in time it was hugely inspirational to my own plant/medicine/spirit co-creative commitment avocation. It's feeling like a good time to re-visit and see what strikes me.
One summer I had tons of pink zinnias on the deck. Somebody left me three six packs. I don't know who. They were just there one morning when I opened the door. Three different values of pink. They were all over the deck until frost. The butterfly and hummingbird populations were ecstatic.
tonight's drawing night ...